想錢想瘋了

下班回家的路上接了 Ethan
車門一打開
興奮的小人大喊
Mommy!!! My tooth fell off today!!!
天啊!!!
我最害怕的 「 小孩在學校掉牙忘記撿起來結果充滿紀念性的二十顆乳牙沒有收集全 」 的噩夢終於發生!!!





Really? Did it hurt? Did you cry? Did you remember to save the tooth?

It hurt a little bit but it didn't bleed. I didn't cry, not even one drop of tear. Yes, I did remember to save the tooth and I put it in this envelope...


Ethan 遞過來一個小紙袋 --





Wow! I'm so proud of you for saving the tooth not crying... Now tell me exactly what happened; I want to hear all the details.

It happened after the lunch time recess. We're all in the multi-purpose room (公立小學校的破爛禮堂) watching the puppet show. I was playing with that tooth very gently, just moving it front and back a little bit...

And then you started moving it really hard, didn't you?

Yeah I did, in all directions! (super 驕傲貌) How did you know???

How did I know?
老鼠的兒子會打洞這句話聽過吧?!

And then it fell?

Yup!

Did you tell the teacher right away?

Nope! Remember we're still watching the puppet show, so we're supposed to be quiet during the show.

So you just held the tooth until the show ended?

No. I turned around and told Steven because I had to tell someone. Steven sat behind me, and when he heard it he was like --
"WHAT??? YOUR TOOTH JUST FELL??? REALLY???"

我就說嘛!
我的兒子怎麼有可能在公眾場合掉了一顆牙還能保持安靜
老鼠的兒子會打洞這句話聽過吧?!

Then what happened?

We both raised our hands and Mrs. N came to us.

And she put your tooth in the envelope?

No, she gave me the envelope and I put the tooth in there myself. (super 驕傲貌) I carried the envelope everywhere I went for the rest of the day, even when I went to the bathroom during recess.

I see. Next time please keep the envelope in your backpack so you don't lose it. Taking it to the bathroom doesn't sound like a good idea to me.

But I want to carry it and I promise I won't lose it. This afternoon when I peed, I just held the envelope with my chin like this...


Ethan 用下巴抵著前胸
神似某位前總統...



圖片來自星島環球網


OK.... as long as you hold it tight and don't drop it in the toilet...

Actually it did kind of drop in the toilet as I was about to finish...

WHAT??? You mean this envelope that I'm holding right now? It dropped into the toilet?

Yeah, but I picked it up right away! It's all dry now! Feel it! The pee has dried out already!

Right... as if the dryness actually made it all nice and clean again...

Why did you pick it up?

Because I had to! If I didn't pick it up, the tooth fairy wouldn't believe that my tooth actually fell; then she wouldn't give me money for my tooth.

總結一下
就是篤信沒圖沒真相的宅男想錢想瘋了
掉進馬桶裡的乳牙也肯撿起來拿去換錢





附贈一隻不跟風就全身難受的小孩
老鼠的兒子會打洞這句話聽過吧?!